how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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