I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
