Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
