chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
