I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
