dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Barsexuality is the new black.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Randomize