Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
