ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
