let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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