I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
