If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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