god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
