Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
