I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
