I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
