Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize