i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
