Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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