I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
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