this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize