She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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