I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize