I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Welp...herpes.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
