those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
