that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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