I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
