he wants to bone in the snuggie
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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