you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Randomize
