Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Damn victory sex feels great
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
