we have pet lesbian snakes
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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