It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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