did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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