I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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