and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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