she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
