when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
