11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
