The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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