I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
