Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
