We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
