I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
