i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Drake has all the answers
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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