It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
