well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
