I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
