when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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