you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
