Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
