Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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