I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
