Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
