He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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