I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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