it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize