Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Don't tell me you're on acid again
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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