Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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