so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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