can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I want a musical about memes.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
