oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Randomize
