i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
