chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize