Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
