I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
