What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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