if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
