woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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