i barfeds in our rink
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
