I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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