I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
