kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
