I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
