I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
