It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
