dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
