i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
