If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize