ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
