No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize