that's an acceptable place to lick
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
