when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
wat bout pragnant strippers??
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
