So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
