I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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