you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize