Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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