hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
